The Parental Job Description

Today's post is actually inspired by a question I found today on Facebook. It was posted by the Facebook page, Great Parenting Practices. Please follow the link to check out this page, as they post some of the most interesting, helpful and insightful things I've found on the web. Anyway, the question that was asked was this:

"What do you think is your most important job as a parent? Do you see some things that parents do that are not even necessary?"

Man, what a stumper right? In ways yes, but if it's looked at just a bit further below the surface, you can see it's not such an easy question to answer. I'm willing to bet that when you read the question through the first time, your immediate response to the first half of the question was, "That's easy, love my kids!", which is true. However, I myself consider that to be a statement that goes without saying, and wouldn't necessarily consider that a job, anymore than I would consider the act of waking up every morning a job. It's something you can't help but do. Therefore, I elected not to count that as the most important job.

Let's break it down into two parts, as it's a two-part question. Ok, "What do you think is your most important job as a parent?" Well, let me offer my opinion to you, and then you can make up your mind for yourself. Please feel free to share, just because it's my opinion doesn't mean it's the ONLY opinion.


Now, one thing I posted on Facebook in response to this question (paraphrased) was that I viewed my and my wife's roles as parents much the same as I viewed God's role in our lives. Rather than being the omnipotent, controlling, merciless authority figure (as parents and God often get generalized as), I'd much rather be the teacher, the mentor, the source of wisdom, and ultimately the one person my daughter can always turn to when she needs trust and compassion. My daughter will inevitably make mistakes, I'll never be able to stop her from doing that. But what I CAN do is prepare her for some of those mistakes, and teach her how to overcome them when she does encounter them. I can teach her about simple things that will apply to every aspect of her life. She will probably wind up with a less than favorable boyfriend at some point, but she will have been taught about self-respect, and how a man is supposed to treat her, so I can trust that she won't end up with an alcoholic who abuses her whenever he comes around. She might encounter a person who simply doesn't like her for no good reason, and will try to make her life a living hell, but she will have been taught about patience, forgiveness and focus and I can trust that she won't let her anger get the better of her and make her do something she'll regret. Simple things. Can I guarantee those results? No, but I've certainly given her the tools she needs to recognize the mistakes before she makes them, and hope that she uses those tools wisely. And if they fail her, Mommy and Daddy are right behind her.

Which brings us to the second part of the question: "Do you see some things that parents do that are not even necessary?". Absolutely. While I respect the parental need to protect your child, I frequently see children being OVER protected. Children MUST be allowed to make some mistakes, or they'll never learn to recover from them without you, and let's face it, we don't live forever. The things we teach them will stick with them forever, even when we can't. That is not to say that you shouldn't do all you can to protect your child from things that will hurt them. Obviously if they're heading for a big disaster, don't let them just run into it. This is also not a recommendation to hand your little girl the latest issue of Cosmopolitan when she turns 13 and say, "Ok, good luck." What I'm saying is that it's much like the first time they ride a bike with no training wheels. Show them how to ride, give them a helmet, and when they fall and skin their knees, pick them up, clean them off, kiss their boo-boos, and let them try again. 

Over-sheltering your children will only make them think of the world as a dirty, evil, dangerous place and nothing else. Is the world dirty? Yes. Is it evil? Sometimes. Is it dangerous? Absolutely. To the unprepared. As parents, it's our job to equip them properly so they can navigate the dangers, the evils and the messes. Basically, teach your kids to be grown ups! Don't teach them to simply GROW UP. As parents, the majority of us have lived long enough to see at least a few things. For a younger parent like myself, those experiences may be fewer than someone in their 30's, 40's and so on. But those experiences taught us all something didn't they? Pass that knowledge on. You don't  have irrelevant knowledge, it will all count for something sometime.


Now, as you may know, my daughter is 3 years old. So have I sat down and had these deep discussions with her? Have I shared my opinion about the meaning of life with my daughter? Maybe we were sitting down having coffee together discussing it? Of course not. The lessons are all the same, they simply need to be translated, broken down, or diluted. These lessons are obviously pretty intense for a 3 year old, and I certainly know my daughter wouldn't catch on to the point of it all. Even a teenager would probably not understand this right away. Your children understand ACTIONS.

Let me give you an example. My daughter was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, "helping" me load up the dishwasher. She was sitting up there having a cup of milk and a snack. I told her "Ok baby, be careful, don't spill your milk." You can guess what happened... she wasn't paying attention, reached for something else, and FWOOP, milk all over the floor. Well, she instantly burst into tears, because she felt bad for making a mess. She figured she'd be in trouble. So I got down by her face, gave her a hug, and said, "Baby, it's alright, it was an accident, I know you didn't do it on purpose. We can clean it up, and get you some more, not a big deal. Just be more careful ok?" She shook her head "yes", I gave her a hug, told her "I love you", made sure she said it back, wiped up the milk, filled her cup back up, and went about the business at hand. She went on like nothing had happened. So what did she learn? Mistakes happen, accidents happen, and mommy and daddy will forgive her. Is it a huge, philosophical breakthrough for her? Maybe not, but she's getting the basics: Mommy and Daddy love her, forgive her, and help her. Always. 


It's what you teach your kids. Teach them something every day. Make a point to. One day, they'll thank you... at least I'm hoping so, haha. Take care, and see you next time.