Alright, now that introductions are over, let's get this show on the road! I'm going to start this off with something that I find exceptionally important.
As a parent, you want your kid to feel good about themselves. In every possible way right? Every parent sees their child as the most beautiful thing they've ever seen, from the moment they're born. But is it possible that the parents get stuck in that mindset and then never get out of it? As parents, we will always feel that our daughter is beautiful. And we tell her quite often that she's "Soooo pretty". But for every time we say that to her, we can find three things that day that she's done that make us say, "You're so smart!" Of course I want my daughter to be comfortable with her appearance, and even to think that she's beautiful, because that's important. My big hope is that she can do that without RELYING on her looks to get her through life. I want my daughter to have some real substance to her, and have a personality that shines more brightly than any amount of makeup could ever hope to. I want her to get through life by her actions, her morals and her knowledge, not because she was "Too pretty to work".
I get very irritated by this subject when I pop onto Yahoo or some other news site, and see whatever Kardashian brat is currently being praised for her latest hairstyle change, or which star of Toddlers & Tiara's is being featured in an outfit that would be too skimpy for a grown woman. It scares me to see a person's image and appearance become so tightly connected to their level of success. I really get the feeling that our little girls are being taught that as long as your pretty, you're set. I want more than that for my little girl, and I would hope you all do as well. This reliance on physical appearance ONLY is all part of a vicious cycle that contains other topics like self respect vs. arrogance, a sense of entitlement vs. appreciation for what she's given, etc... the list goes on and on. I honestly hope she has a strong sense of self esteem about her appearance too, because both her mother and I had issues with that as children, and we still find ourselves a bit hindered by those issues today.
To put all this together into something tangible, I'll give you our generic perspective on the subject. We always make sure that our daughter is receiving equal amounts of praise for doing something smart, or helpful, or creative, as she is for being a cutey-patooty, haha. When she comes and grabs my glass after I'm finished drinking something, and just takes it to the sink all on her own, she gets a big thank you, and then we say something like, "Oh, thank you baby, that was very nice of you, you're so smart!" To me, it helps her to attribute coming up with the thought on her own, and being kind or helpful, with intelligence. Package deal, gotta love it. The key that we have found to be super successful, is telling her she's smart, by telling her that what she did was smart. "Did you put those dishes in the sink all by yourself?? You're so smart". Then she knows what she did, how we perceived it, and that we perceived it in a positive way. The goal is that she'll receive tons of praise for doing things we see as intelligent, and so she'll spend more time trying to do those things. At three years old, grabbing dishes by herself is a pretty big accomplishment. As time goes on the things she will do will get more elaborate, and she'll get a better, more mature grasp on what we mean by "smart", and hopefully she'll spend more time focusing on being known for her achievements. Considering how proud I am of who she is as a THREE YEAR OLD, I can't wait to see who she becomes in the years to follow and I can't wait to see the things she accomplishes in her life.
Ultimately, my direct advice to you: Love your kids, and tell them you do. Respect your kids, and show them you do. Listen to your kids, because when you give them the chance to do something good, they'll keep trying until they do it. Emphasize to your children the importance of being more than just a work of beauty, and that it is their achievements, ideals, and decisions that carry them through life.
Well then, I think that about does it for today, I hope you enjoyed this post, and I hope you were able to get something out of it. Until next time!
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