Ok, I think today I'm going to do a little off-shoot of yesterday's post, and touch on something I haven't quite hit yet. This blog is definitely about being a daddy a lot of the time. But it's main purpose was to be about family as well.
I am of course, a daddy. But I'm also a husband. And I have to say that it's definitely tied with fatherhood as the best job in the world. But I can say from experience, it's definitely NOT the easiest. As a father, for at least the first few years, your biggest purposes are to teach, guide, nurture and protect your child. The requirements are a little different for your spouse. You're not dealing with a child, you're dealing with another adult, with an already developed mind, and sense of self. They're not in the relationship to be shaped or molded. And when you throw a child into it, they're also your teammate.
Let me first say, that I love my wife more than I could ever love another woman. We have had our fights, our disagreements, and our meltdowns, but through it all, I know that she loves me in return. That is the key to any marriage; loving each other. We don't live in a society that deals in arranged marriages anymore, not exclusively anyway. Therefore, you marry someone you're in love with. That's the important part. I am of the mindset that as long as you love your spouse, you can overcome whatever gets in the way of the mundane aspects of a marriage.
But what else is involved in being a good husband? What is your part? Well, men and women are drastically different creatures, so I don't know if there is a general formula that applies to the question. But here are some things I have learned in my 3 and a half years of marriage. Please note: These are not all things that I excel at by any means!! I am quite sure that I am far from the perfect husband, but I still know a few things that are important in making another person happy. These are not in any specific order, as they're all equally important.
1.) Support her. Plain and simple, it speaks for itself. As a headstrong, opinionated fellow, I have had problems with this one more than I'd care to admit. Sometimes you just don't agree with your wife's choices, it's inevitable. But either way, sometimes you just have to go with the flow, because she's entitled to live her life just as you are, and she's definitely supported you on something she wasn't thrilled about.
2.) Listen to her. Your wife has a voice, just like you do. More often than not, in my marriage, my wife is the voice of reason when my impetuous, STUPID side takes over and I'm about to do or say something stupid. In addition to having a voice, she also has an opinion, and it's worth half of the decision. That opinion could save you money, or it could just save your evening, or maybe your life. You don't know until you listen to it.
3.) Respect her. She's a human being, and unless you're living in the stone age, she's your equal. Get used to that concept. Sometimes we as men can do things that are (to her) clearly NOT respectful. Do your best to see those things BEFORE you commit the act. We've all slipped, and more than likely, we've all been forgiven for those slips, just try not to repeat them too many times.
4.) SHUT UP! Yes, that's right, just shut up. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is close your mouth and refer to item # 1. You may have the greatest idea in history, but at this very moment, it doesn't mean anything, and it won't help. Just let her talk, or rant, or yell, or cry, or whatever she has to do... just let her get it out. At this point, your mouth needs to take a break, and give your shoulder a turn. This has probably been one of my biggest shortcomings. In trying to help, my mouth gets going, and by the end of my thought, I've made the situation worse than it was before. My advice: SHUT. UP.
5.) Help her. With anything. With the things she asks for help with, and with the things she doesn't. Don't always make her ask for help. There are times where I feel pretty dumb at home. My wife stays home all day, and cleans the house, does the dishes, the laundry, and wrangles our daughter. I go to work. Sometimes when I get home, I'm not feeling in the mood to fold laundry. Ultimately, I need to do it anyway. Do I always? No. The point: Just help her, and do your best to do it before she has to ask you.
6.) Apologize to her. Now guys, this is for you: DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A CURE-ALL FOR YOUR STUPIDITY. We will always make mistakes, some more drastic than others, but either way, when we do it is our responsibility as humans to sincerely apologize for those mistakes. Don't grumble "Sorry..." as you're walking away, because every time you do that, it whittles away at the worth of your future apologies. Say it for the things that honestly deserve an apology (which in my case is far from zero).
7.) Take her side. This is pretty easy guys. She's your teammate, your ally, your sidekick and your number one fan. Give her the same courtesy. Doesn't matter who it's against, you're always on her side, like she's always on yours.
8.) Last, but certainly not least... Love her. No matter what. She will probably say something rude to you, maybe even hurtful. She might bleach your favorite pair of jeans by accident. She might drag you to the most girly store in the mall. She might buy the most horrid flower-print comforter to put on your bed. But fellas: Love her anyway. Because she does the same for you. I can honestly say that this is probably the only point on this small list that I haven't completely blown. My wife and I have been through some hard times together, and we've had our fair share of some really bad fights. But no matter what we fight about, or what she says to me, I will always love her, and I always have.
Fellas, we aren't perfect. We could never hope to be. In many cases, we are miles below the leagues of our wives, and even if you aren't, think that way anyway, and let her know it. Our wives help and love is in more ways than we could possibly imagine, and we need to do our best to repay them for that. This may not be a big list, but these are definitely the things I view as the most important, and definitely the ones that are the hardest to maintain sometimes. Take them and use them guys, you won't be sorry. See you next time!
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