Daddy VS Disney

Ok, today I'm gonna do something a little bit different. Call it an analysis. My daughter... ok, well, my FAMILY watches a lot of Disney movies. They're reliable, they're funny, they're appropriate (normally), and most adults my age, and even a bit older, can remember watching them when THEY were kids. It's tradition. 

What I would like to do is take a little better look at how they've progressed over time. Being that I have a little girl who loves her some princess time, I'll go into the princess-based movies first. What I'll be doing is offering the moral that I pick up from the movie, as I see it relating to a child. Are you ready princesses?!?! Prepare to be ROASTED!

Let's start with some of the older ones first. No, they will not be in chronological order, because I'm just not that good, haha.

1.) Snow White: Well let's see, as with many of the Disney movies, the stepmother is always a wicked, hateful, jealous woman with one goal: making the main character's life miserable. The writers of these stories must have had parents with horrible marital problems... Anyway, Snow White is made to work all day for her stepmother, and her stepmother is this vain woman with a severe jealousy problem upon finding out Snow White is prettier than her. Which begins Snow White's dramatic journey through the forest and into the company of the Seven Dwarfs. Here, she continues to cook, clean and basically manage these slovenly old dwarfs household for them, in exchange for room and board. Seems fair, right? I think so. Not a bad lesson in my perspective. If somebody is giving you something, help out and earn your keep. On the flip side, when the queen suddenly discovers the betrayal of the huntsman and pursues Snow White, the girl does nothing to aid her own defense, and opens the door for the freakishly scary looking woman with apples. You know the rest. Moral according to Daddy: 1.)Don't open the door for strangers, bad things can happen. 2.) If someone is helping you, help them in return. Well done Disney, well done.

2.) Sleeping Beauty: This girl was just unfortunate. The evil sorceress has it in for this poor girl before she can even walk! So she is whisked away to the forest to remain in hiding until her 16th birthday. Well, on the day of her 16th birthday, whilst wandering alone in the forest (which doesn't seem like a terribly bright idea to me given the circumstances) daydreaming, she happens to run into the Prince (who she was betrothed to, but doesn't know, therefore making him a stranger). They dance, and walk and flirt and all that good stuff, and then all of a sudden she has a reality check and remembers she shouldn't be doing that, and then runs away, SHOUTING HER ADDRESS TO HIM! Hmmm... this movie just seems to be one bad idea after another. Moral according to Daddy: 1.) If confronted by a stranger, immediately run away, but if he seems honest enough, and he's cute, tell him where you live, because he might be a prince. 2.) Follow your dreams. Ok, I can get behind the second one, I would encourage my daughter to dream. The first one... not so much, haha.

3.) Cinderella: This is yet another stepmother bashing film. Cinderella is made to serve in her own house, waiting hand and foot on her stepmother and stepsisters. She, much like all Disney princesses, has a head full of dreams, which is fantastic for little girls to see. As I've said, dreaming is highly encouraged in our house. Well, as the story goes, she is allowed to go to the ball if she finishes her chores in time, which get multiplied by the stepmother to prevent her attendance. Well, once she finishes her chores, everyone else is ready to go, and the mice had made her a dress from "acquired" items discarded by the stepsisters.  This dress is of course shredded, and she runs into the backyard to cry. This is the famous moment when the fairy godmother appears and makes all her dreams come true by sending her to the ball in a beautiful gown, exquisite carriage and some presumably uncomfortable shoes. All this cool stuff is given a limit though, in the form of the spell wearing off at midnight. Long story short, she hangs on to one of the shoes (the other was left behind at the ball), and ends up proving her identity, thereby seeing her dream of marrying a prince come to fruition. Moral according to Daddy: 1.) Sometimes life isn't always peachy, but keep dreaming, and things will work out. Maybe not realistic in a literal since, but definitely a good message of keeping a positive message. I'll give you this one Disney.

4.) The Little Mermaid: This one is a tough call. Ariel begins the movie by being late to her first ever musical performance, that was extremely important to her dad. Then, she continues to rant about how unhappy she is being a mermaid, and how she wants to be human so bad. So badly in fact, that she would strike a deal with a KNOWN ENEMY of her father to get it. You all know how things progressed from there, and in the end, her true love saves her, kills the sea witch, and she becomes a mermaid again, at which point her father gives in and allows her to live her life as a human. My findings on this movie will probably seem harsh, but it's all in good fun. Morals according to Daddy: 1.) If your father doesn't agree with you, go around him and do it anyway. Come on Disney, forsaking your parents for the sake of your dreams? Ouch. 2.) If you don't like yourself the way you are, find a way to be different. Hmmm... ok... I might be able to see this, but it's definitely a split decision for me. I'm half and half on this movie. Call it a draw.

5.) Belle: I kind of see this era of Disney as a turning point of sorts. Prior to this, most Disney princesses were pretty helpless as far as the story went. Waiting on their prince to come and rescue them because they were being somehow threatened by another entity. Little Mermaid hits on it a little bit by making Ariel so headstrong, but I really notice the independence with Belle. She is immediately portrayed as a woman with a purpose, dreams and a head on her shoulders. She's strong and she won't be pushed around by anyone, including the 8 foot tall beast. She wants TRUE love, to ANYBODY she falls in love with, not just a prince, it could be anybody. So the story really picks up when she rides off into danger to rescue her father (who really could've used Google Maps in my opinion). She finds herself in the castle where he is held captive, and then trades her own life for his. Noble and brave if you ask me. Then, she defies the beast and runs away because he's treating her badly. At which point he rescues her, and she stands up for herself YET AGAIN because he's being irrational and mean. After all that, she has to go rescue her father again, and is then put in the position to stand up to an entire angry mob (complete with pitchforks and torches) in defense of her friend the beast. The rest of the story continues and they live happily ever after. Morals according to Daddy: 1.) Be smart, and be independent, no matter what anyone thinks. Brilliant. 2.) Don't put restrictions on who you love that are based on income, stature or looks. Be open to love from wherever it may find you. Well done. 3.) Stand up for what you believe, and for your friends and family. Awesome. Disney, you have a masterpiece on your hands here. Brilliant job.

6.) Pocahontas: Yet another tough one. The girl is obviously independent and headstrong. Not terrible qualities at all. Early on, she is proven to be disobedient though... going against her father's very clear wishes. For the greater good? I suppose. The story then shows her finding John Smith, and teaching him all about the land, and the animals, etc. In the process, she falls in love with him, and there's a big conflict over the whole thing. This movie is pretty concise. Morals according to Daddy: 1.) If your father says not to do something, but you have a different feeling, do it anyway. Not always a smart idea. 2.) Don't let race or language get in the way of falling in love. Ok, I can support that. 3.) Defend your love to the death. Alright, ya got me there... that's a good one. All in all, Disney beats Daddy 2 to 1.

7.) Jasmine: Here is one I have to say I'm half and half on. Jasmine is a very obviously independent young woman, who feels very strongly that she should be allowed to marry anyone she wants. This of course is a problem for Jafar, who has plans of replacing the sultan. So Jasmine sneaks out, and ends up meeting Aladdin. Well, when they're both apprehended by the palace guards, she wastes no time in shovin' her weight around. Aladdin is clearly far more unfortunate than herself, and has no means of eating other than stealing his food. She shows compassion. An admirable quality. Well, Aladdin escapes to unwittingly help Jafar, and ends up lying to her about being a prince and yada yada yada. She ends up loving him anyway, without being a prince, and they live happily ever after until the sequel. Morals according to Daddy: 1.) If life isn't so great at home, leave. Not so crazy about this one. Rules might suck, but they're still rules. 2.) Help the poor and hungry. How could I possibly say anything negative about this one?? 3.) Don't let class, stature, or financial security decide who you love. A common theme, and a good one. Disney, this one is definitely passable. Well done.

8.) Mulan: Ok, while this one I don't really classify as a "princess" she's still a good role model for  young girls today I think. She defies the societal standard by being different, and quirky (reference the scene where she gives the Matchmaker a run for her money), all while being proud of it. Then, when the draft comes around to collect her father for service, she takes his place and rides off to join the army. She grows and becomes even more independent and strong throughout the whole movie, and ends up being left to die for being a woman impersonating a man. After this, she journeys to the city to save the emperor and her fellow troops, EVEN THOUGH THEY LEFT HER TO DIE. She sees the big picture. Well, of course she saves China, and all is well. Morals according to Daddy: 1.) Stand up for your family, no matter what. Brilliant lesson. 2.) Be proud of who you are, even if you're not perfect to anyone else. Something I truly hope my daughter understands. 3.) Sometimes people make mistakes, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have help too. A very noble concept. Well placed. Another win for Disney.

9.) Tiana: This was definitely a twist for Disney. This girl has been a hard worker from the get-go. Her father passed a dream on to her, and she worked her tail off to get it. She kept her eye on the prize, working two jobs, extra shifts all to get her restaurant. Well, when her offer gets rejected by the realtor guys, she's pretty bummed out and resorts to kissing a frog to see if THAT will help. Well, obviously it doesn't, and she goes through every manner of danger and disaster to find a way to be turned back into a human being. In the process, she teaches Navine a few things about hard work (and cooking) and also learns a few things about enjoying life for herself. At the end, everything works out for the best, and they live happily ever after, of course. Morals according to Daddy: 1.) Work hard for your goals. Couldn't pick a better moral for today's children. 2.) Work hard, but take time to enjoy life as well, its not ALL about work. A practice I regularly apply to my own life. Disney, you've got a winner on your hands!

10.) Rapunzel: This girl is quite interesting. She loves her "mother" very much, which is highly respectable. Though, when given the order to stay home, she disobeys and goes outside anyway, searching for the lanterns. But along the way, she makes a near instantaneous transformation into a strong, independent woman. She defends Flynn against the thugs in the bar (who become friends), stands up to her mother, perseveres and reaches her floating lanterns. She also discovers a few things about Flynn's humble beginnings, and loves him even more for them. They find their way back into the clutches of her mother, at which point she sacrifices her freedom for the chance to save Flynn's life, at which point he botches the whole deal and cuts her hair off. They return to the kingdom to reunite her with her parents, and live happily ever after. Morals according to Daddy: 1.) If your mom tells you something, but you REALLY want to do something else, just go ahead and do it. Ok, it's for the good of the story here, but I don't encourage rebelling against the parents. 2.) Accept a person for who they are, and love them for it no matter what. Sound advice. 3.) Be assertive, and know what you want. Another case of this in a Disney princess? Disney, you're on a roll!

Ok, so that about covers the MAIN princesses of the Disney realm. Overall, there are some good strong messages behind these movies (if you choose to be a nerd and dig them out haha). I notice the more recent Disney movies are more about independent, strong, caring women, while the older movies have the dainty, helpless, over-emotional princesses waiting around for the man to come and save them.

Don't get me wrong, I will always watch these movies, and let my daughter watch them. I will also always be a fan of these movies. The above theories are purely for a fun, thought-provoking way to see the Disney movies, and how a child might subliminally perceive the things happening in them. Obviously, I will not be attributing a child's disobedience to watching The Little Mermaid a hundred times a day...

I hope you enjoy this post, and I hope you have some cool comments to share with the rest of us about it.

The Peeves of a Parent

Ok, well, it's been a few days since my last post. Things have been pretty busy in the Gertsch house this last week. Lots going on, we were all sick in different intervals... what a week. So to make up for being gone for a bit, I'd like to throw you all a post that is designed to receive interaction.

Pet peeves. Everyone has them. Allow me to re-phrase that. Everyone has PERSONAL pet peeves, that apply to any and every aspect of their own lives. But when you become a parent, suddenly you develop all new ones that relate to your children; whether they be about something your child does, or just how something affects your child. So let's get on to it then, and then you guys can share yours as well, because I'd love to hear them all! As with all my lists, these are in no particular order because they all irritate me just the same.

1.) Family restrooms. What a novel idea. A place for a breastfeeding mother to take her child for a bit of refuge from the prying eyes of the entire mall, a place where daddies can take their little girls potty, or mommies can take their little boys, or heck, a place for the WHOLE FAMILY to go together. The point is, these bathrooms are designed for those of us with children, to have a little easier place to get potty business done. My peeve: When I'm waiting and waiting for the family bathroom to open up, and when it finally does, out strolls a grown man or woman, BY THEMSELVES!!!! GAAAAAHHHH! This infuriates me. These bathrooms are a convenience to people with children, not to indulge a person's need for personal private time on the john.

2,) The eternal journey to the potty. Parents: Does it not blow your mind that the only time your child has to go potty is when you've finally made it to the opposite end of the store?? And to add the cherry on top, isn't it that much sweeter when you make it there after carrying the child, and dodging countless people with no sense of store-aisle etiquette, only to hear her say, "I don't have to go right now." How about when this happens multiple times? Even. Better. Now, don't mistake this peeve for one that incites anger in me. It certainly irritates me, since we're usually trying to get the shopping done and be on our way. But as my wife reminds me pretty regularly: "What if she really does have to go?" Hmmm... run to the bathroom, or chance it, and then clean her off, after going to the bathroom anyway?

3.) The game show parent. This one is specifically for my good friend Ken. We laugh about this one quite regularly. Picture this: You encounter a couple in the store and somehow strike up a conversation, maybe you know them somehow. They also have a small child. You turn to the child, and to have them be part of the conversation as well, ask, "Wow, cool shoes!! What color are they?" Immediately, the parent mentally slams their hand down on their buzzer and says, "They're red." *Facepalm* Yes lady, I'm not blind, I'm well aware of what color your child's shoes are, I was asking THE CHILD to give the opportunity for them to answer me, and show me that they know their colors. The best is when a child is at the stage where they're beginning to count, and understand age. "Oh wow, you're gettin' big! How old are you?" BUZZ!!! "She's three." *Facepalm*

4.) The heathens. No, this is not a religious disagreement. I mean the children who barrel through you or your kid at the store, or the park, and create a general sense of havoc and disarray wherever they go. The part that peeves me about this? The parents, sitting idly by, playing on their smartphones, or simply meandering through the store with their carts, paying no heed whatsoever to their rowdy, obnoxious children. Now, I'm not a total stiff, I'll play hide & seek with my daughter in the department store, come on, what else are all those racks of tacky, ugly clothing for? But come on, if your child is running amok, rein em in! I cringe every time we go to the park and there are kids like this there. My daughter will get to the top and be ready to slide down the big slide, and up behind her comes the ill-behaved children. My only thought is that they're going to push her down, and she'll tumble off the side or something.

5.) The know-betters. These are the parents who have very rigid parenting techniques, that they are pretty certain were sent by God himself, and therefore, are the ONLY parenting techniques. They are also generous enough to constantly share that perspective with you, and insist that you shouldn't "Let your child do that" or some other ridiculous little tid bit. Without knowing the full situation about a person's parenting style, don't criticize it. Nobody's saying yours is wrong, I'm saying don't push it on me.

6.) The kid owners. One thing that absolutely drives me nuts, are the parents who have children, maybe a few, who take the time to have their kids, and then any time you see them, they're either never with their kids, or never acknowledging them, similar to a pet owner. They'll sit and ignore their kids while they're trying to get their attention. I get the impression that as soon as the child learned to walk on their own, that was it. The parent has no interaction with their kids, they just sit and do whatever it is they want to do, and ignore the child's attempts to get their attention, whether it's just to show them something, or to play with them. This is just sad. My daughter will pick some rather inconvenient times to want to play with us, usually during the cooking of dinner. I understand, because she hasn't seen me all day, and cooking usually happens shortly after I get home. Me and my wife will be in the kitchen (after the homecoming hugs and kisses) getting dinner together, and my daughter will ask me to play with her. God bless my wife, she usually takes over whatever it is I'm doing so I can at least get a few minutes in of dinosaurs or ponies. Other times, I may be doing the whole meal myself, and have to tell her that I'll play with her in a little bit, when the dinner doesn't need to be serviced, just listened for. The point is, we love playing with our daughter, we had her so that we could interact with her. Sometimes we don't feel like it, or have something going on, and have to tell her no, but we always respond to it, and make her a return offer of a different time to play. I enjoy playing video games quite a bit, but I don't want to totally lose out on time with her either. Long story short, my daughter is an expert dragon/zombie/goblin/bad guy finder.

7.) NO. This one kinda speaks for itself doesn't it moms and dads? "Punkin, can you eat your dinner please? Then we can have dessert." "No." Even when not yelled, this word is one of the most irritating words I know... and the worst part about it is that I know I helped create it. We've always been pretty open about letting our daughter make choices for herself, so she knew how to make up her mind and think for herself. But that does open up the door for her to apply those rules to ANYTHING SHE IS ASKED! So then, especially in relation to dinner time, it turns into an explanation of why I don't want her to be hungry, or more often than not, the benefit to her for eating some more. I've learned the hard way about making her eat too much, so I won't push her to eat everything on her plate, because she hasn't learned to give us a rating of how hungry she is. So she could very well be full. But I'm no idiot, I know she has room in her stomach for more than just two bites of chicken... haha.

Well this is my list everybody. Just a short one. Believe me, I have way more peeves than this, but these are probably my top peeves. I am not just encouraging you to share on this one, I would actually like to ASK you to share on this one. I think this could be a pretty fun little experiment to see where everyone's peeves collide, so let's see it.

The HUSBAND Job Description

Ok, I think today I'm going to do a little off-shoot of yesterday's post, and touch on something I haven't quite  hit yet. This blog is definitely about being a daddy a lot of the time. But it's main purpose was to be about family as well.

I am of course, a daddy. But I'm also a husband. And I have to say that it's definitely tied with fatherhood as the best job in the world. But I can say from experience, it's definitely NOT the easiest. As a father, for at least the first few years, your biggest purposes are to teach, guide, nurture and protect your child. The requirements are a little different for your spouse. You're not dealing with a child, you're dealing with another adult, with an already developed mind, and sense of self. They're not in the relationship to be shaped or molded. And when you throw a child into it, they're also your teammate.

Let me first say, that I love my wife more than I could ever love another woman. We have had our fights, our disagreements, and our meltdowns, but through it all, I know that she loves me in return. That is the key to any marriage; loving each other. We don't live in a society that deals in arranged marriages anymore, not exclusively anyway. Therefore, you marry someone you're in love with. That's the important part. I am of the mindset that as long as you love your spouse, you can overcome whatever gets in the way of the mundane aspects of a marriage.

But what else is involved in being a good husband? What is your part? Well, men and women are drastically different creatures, so I don't know if there is a general formula that applies to the question. But here are some things I have learned in my 3 and a half years of marriage. Please note: These are not all things that I excel at by any means!! I am quite sure that I am far from the perfect husband, but I still know a few things that are important in making another person happy. These are not in any specific order, as they're all equally important.

1.) Support her. Plain and simple, it speaks for itself. As a headstrong, opinionated fellow, I have had problems with this one more than I'd care to admit. Sometimes you just don't agree with your wife's choices, it's inevitable. But either way, sometimes you just have to go with the flow, because she's entitled to live her life just as you are, and she's definitely supported you on something she wasn't thrilled about.

2.) Listen to her. Your wife has a voice, just like you do. More often than not, in my marriage, my wife is the voice of reason when my impetuous, STUPID side takes over and I'm about to do or say something stupid. In addition to having a voice, she also has an opinion, and it's worth half of the decision. That opinion could save you money, or it could just save your evening, or maybe your life. You don't know until you listen to it.

3.) Respect her. She's a human being, and unless you're living in the stone age, she's your equal. Get used to that concept. Sometimes we as men can do things that are (to her) clearly NOT respectful. Do your best to see those things BEFORE you commit the act. We've all slipped, and more than likely, we've all been forgiven for those slips, just try not to repeat them too many times.

4.) SHUT UP! Yes, that's right, just shut up. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is close your mouth and refer to item # 1. You may have the greatest idea in history, but at this very moment, it doesn't mean anything, and it won't help. Just let her talk, or rant, or yell, or cry, or whatever she has to do... just let her get it out. At this point, your mouth needs to take a break, and give your shoulder a turn. This has probably been one of my biggest shortcomings. In trying to help, my mouth gets going, and by the end of my thought, I've made the situation worse than it was before. My advice: SHUT. UP.

5.) Help her. With anything. With the things she asks for help with, and with the things she doesn't. Don't always make her ask for help. There are times where I feel pretty dumb at home. My wife stays home all day, and cleans the house, does the dishes, the laundry, and wrangles our daughter. I go to work. Sometimes when I get home, I'm not feeling in the mood to fold laundry. Ultimately, I need to do it anyway. Do I always? No. The point: Just help her, and do your best to do it before she has to ask you.

6.) Apologize to her. Now guys, this is for you: DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A CURE-ALL FOR YOUR STUPIDITY. We will always make mistakes, some more drastic than others, but either way, when we do it is our responsibility as humans to sincerely apologize for those mistakes. Don't grumble "Sorry..." as you're walking away, because every time you do that, it whittles away at the worth of your future apologies. Say it for the things that honestly deserve an apology (which in my case is far from zero).

7.) Take her side. This is pretty easy guys. She's your teammate, your ally, your sidekick and your number one fan. Give her the same courtesy. Doesn't matter who it's against, you're always on her side, like she's always on yours.

8.) Last, but certainly not least... Love her. No matter what. She will probably say something rude to you, maybe even hurtful. She might bleach your favorite pair of jeans by accident. She might drag you to the most girly store in the mall. She might buy the most horrid flower-print comforter to put on your bed. But fellas: Love her anyway. Because she does the same for you. I can honestly say that this is probably the only point on this small list that I haven't completely blown. My wife and I have been through some hard times together, and we've had our fair share of some really bad fights. But no matter what we fight about, or what she says to me, I will always love her, and I always have.

Fellas, we aren't perfect. We could never hope to be. In many cases, we are miles below the leagues of our wives, and even if you aren't, think that way anyway, and let her know it. Our wives help and love is in more ways than we could possibly imagine, and we need to do our best to repay them for that. This may not be a big list, but these are definitely the things I view as the most important, and definitely the ones that are the hardest to maintain sometimes. Take them and use them guys, you won't be sorry. See you next time!

The Parental Job Description

Today's post is actually inspired by a question I found today on Facebook. It was posted by the Facebook page, Great Parenting Practices. Please follow the link to check out this page, as they post some of the most interesting, helpful and insightful things I've found on the web. Anyway, the question that was asked was this:

"What do you think is your most important job as a parent? Do you see some things that parents do that are not even necessary?"

Man, what a stumper right? In ways yes, but if it's looked at just a bit further below the surface, you can see it's not such an easy question to answer. I'm willing to bet that when you read the question through the first time, your immediate response to the first half of the question was, "That's easy, love my kids!", which is true. However, I myself consider that to be a statement that goes without saying, and wouldn't necessarily consider that a job, anymore than I would consider the act of waking up every morning a job. It's something you can't help but do. Therefore, I elected not to count that as the most important job.

Let's break it down into two parts, as it's a two-part question. Ok, "What do you think is your most important job as a parent?" Well, let me offer my opinion to you, and then you can make up your mind for yourself. Please feel free to share, just because it's my opinion doesn't mean it's the ONLY opinion.


Now, one thing I posted on Facebook in response to this question (paraphrased) was that I viewed my and my wife's roles as parents much the same as I viewed God's role in our lives. Rather than being the omnipotent, controlling, merciless authority figure (as parents and God often get generalized as), I'd much rather be the teacher, the mentor, the source of wisdom, and ultimately the one person my daughter can always turn to when she needs trust and compassion. My daughter will inevitably make mistakes, I'll never be able to stop her from doing that. But what I CAN do is prepare her for some of those mistakes, and teach her how to overcome them when she does encounter them. I can teach her about simple things that will apply to every aspect of her life. She will probably wind up with a less than favorable boyfriend at some point, but she will have been taught about self-respect, and how a man is supposed to treat her, so I can trust that she won't end up with an alcoholic who abuses her whenever he comes around. She might encounter a person who simply doesn't like her for no good reason, and will try to make her life a living hell, but she will have been taught about patience, forgiveness and focus and I can trust that she won't let her anger get the better of her and make her do something she'll regret. Simple things. Can I guarantee those results? No, but I've certainly given her the tools she needs to recognize the mistakes before she makes them, and hope that she uses those tools wisely. And if they fail her, Mommy and Daddy are right behind her.

Which brings us to the second part of the question: "Do you see some things that parents do that are not even necessary?". Absolutely. While I respect the parental need to protect your child, I frequently see children being OVER protected. Children MUST be allowed to make some mistakes, or they'll never learn to recover from them without you, and let's face it, we don't live forever. The things we teach them will stick with them forever, even when we can't. That is not to say that you shouldn't do all you can to protect your child from things that will hurt them. Obviously if they're heading for a big disaster, don't let them just run into it. This is also not a recommendation to hand your little girl the latest issue of Cosmopolitan when she turns 13 and say, "Ok, good luck." What I'm saying is that it's much like the first time they ride a bike with no training wheels. Show them how to ride, give them a helmet, and when they fall and skin their knees, pick them up, clean them off, kiss their boo-boos, and let them try again. 

Over-sheltering your children will only make them think of the world as a dirty, evil, dangerous place and nothing else. Is the world dirty? Yes. Is it evil? Sometimes. Is it dangerous? Absolutely. To the unprepared. As parents, it's our job to equip them properly so they can navigate the dangers, the evils and the messes. Basically, teach your kids to be grown ups! Don't teach them to simply GROW UP. As parents, the majority of us have lived long enough to see at least a few things. For a younger parent like myself, those experiences may be fewer than someone in their 30's, 40's and so on. But those experiences taught us all something didn't they? Pass that knowledge on. You don't  have irrelevant knowledge, it will all count for something sometime.


Now, as you may know, my daughter is 3 years old. So have I sat down and had these deep discussions with her? Have I shared my opinion about the meaning of life with my daughter? Maybe we were sitting down having coffee together discussing it? Of course not. The lessons are all the same, they simply need to be translated, broken down, or diluted. These lessons are obviously pretty intense for a 3 year old, and I certainly know my daughter wouldn't catch on to the point of it all. Even a teenager would probably not understand this right away. Your children understand ACTIONS.

Let me give you an example. My daughter was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, "helping" me load up the dishwasher. She was sitting up there having a cup of milk and a snack. I told her "Ok baby, be careful, don't spill your milk." You can guess what happened... she wasn't paying attention, reached for something else, and FWOOP, milk all over the floor. Well, she instantly burst into tears, because she felt bad for making a mess. She figured she'd be in trouble. So I got down by her face, gave her a hug, and said, "Baby, it's alright, it was an accident, I know you didn't do it on purpose. We can clean it up, and get you some more, not a big deal. Just be more careful ok?" She shook her head "yes", I gave her a hug, told her "I love you", made sure she said it back, wiped up the milk, filled her cup back up, and went about the business at hand. She went on like nothing had happened. So what did she learn? Mistakes happen, accidents happen, and mommy and daddy will forgive her. Is it a huge, philosophical breakthrough for her? Maybe not, but she's getting the basics: Mommy and Daddy love her, forgive her, and help her. Always. 


It's what you teach your kids. Teach them something every day. Make a point to. One day, they'll thank you... at least I'm hoping so, haha. Take care, and see you next time.

Sorry... No Refunds.

Ok, well, I've decided that as a little precursor to what is hopefully a good weekend for all of you, I'd leave you with a little pearl about something that I feel pretty strongly about.

To preface the possible debate that may come from this post, I'll fill you in a little on my and my wife's background with our daughter. We were engaged when we decided to have children, my wife was 5 months pregnant at our wedding. Obviously there were some naysayers in the bunch, but that's not the point of this topic. The point of this topic is the CHOICE. My wife and I DECIDED to have children.

That being said, here's my point, and please feel free to share on this. I have seen more than a few people (be it from a distance, or through channels), who have become pregnant by accident. Well, it's 2012, it's bound to happen. 15 and 16 year old girls and boys are bound to get too curious for their own goods, and that's just what happens. I'd like to omit these teenage cases from this immediate discussion, the innumerable debatable "situations" are just ridiculous, and the arguments never end...

Anyway, back on track here. People get pregnant by "accident", and I completely understand that. People will make their own choices, and they will be landed with the "consequences". Therein lies my discomfort for this whole thing. Whether or not the child was conceived by accident, or on purpose, I don't like that these children become viewed as the consequences. To me, the word consequence is almost synonymous with punishment. This is how I see a lot of people who end up with accidental pregnancies responding. This disappoints me to no end. While I realize that these people, be they 19 year old party animals with aspirations of being the manager at their local McDonald's, or 20-something college students with their eye on a doctorate in Astrophysics, did not ASK for children, they were still given a gift. And not the same kind of gift as the cheap, ugly reindeer sweater their grandmother gave them at Christmas last year. It's nonreturnable, and it's the gift that will keep giving as long as you nurture it.

I guess the basic point of this discussion is that children are not burdens, punishments, mishaps, or the end of a person's life. I absolutely HATE hearing about couples, or two individuals brought together by the pregnancy, where one, or even both of the parents, don't appreciate the gift, and want nothing to do with it. In worse cases, one parent, typically the mother, is excited, and is welcoming the challenge and the joy equally, while the father insists that he didn't ask for it, and therefore he doesn't want it. This attitude leaves the mother in a horrible, stressful situation. In turn, after the pregnancy, if he continues with this attitude, we have yet another child who is growing up without their father. As a father myself, it breaks my heart to think of my daughter not having me there to lift her up when she's too short, read her a story at night, take her back to bed when she wakes up scared... all the little things these ungrateful individuals have no comprehension of.

In short, they don't know what they're missing. I'll leave you all with that thought. I hope that any of you reading this who know somebody like this, will share this with them. Let them read it. Appreciate the gift you were given when your child comes into this world...

More Than Meets The Eye

Alright, now that introductions are over, let's get this show on the road! I'm going to start this off with something that I find exceptionally important.

As a parent, you want your kid to feel good about themselves. In every possible way right? Every parent sees their child as the most beautiful thing they've ever seen, from the moment they're born. But is it possible that the parents get stuck in that mindset and then never get out of it? As parents, we will always feel that our daughter is beautiful. And we tell her quite often that she's "Soooo pretty". But for every time we say that to her, we can find three things that day that she's done that make us say, "You're so smart!" Of course I want my daughter to be comfortable with her appearance, and even to think that she's beautiful, because that's important. My big hope is that she can do that without RELYING on her looks to get her through life. I want my daughter to have some real substance to her, and have a personality that shines more brightly than any amount of makeup could ever hope to. I want her to get through life by her actions, her morals and her knowledge, not because she was "Too pretty to work".

I get very irritated by this subject when I pop onto Yahoo or some other news site, and see whatever Kardashian brat is currently being praised for her latest hairstyle change, or which star of Toddlers & Tiara's is being featured in an outfit that would be too skimpy for a grown woman. It scares me to see a person's image and appearance become so tightly connected to their level of success. I really get the feeling that our little girls are being taught that as long as your pretty, you're set. I want more than that for my little girl, and I would hope you all do as well. This reliance on physical appearance ONLY is all part of a vicious cycle that contains other topics like self respect vs. arrogance, a sense of entitlement vs. appreciation for what she's given, etc... the list goes on and on. I honestly hope she has a strong sense of self esteem about her appearance too, because both her mother and I had issues with that as children, and we still find ourselves a bit hindered by those issues today.

To put all this together into something tangible, I'll give you our generic perspective on the subject. We always make sure that our daughter is receiving equal amounts of praise for doing something smart, or helpful, or creative, as she is for being a cutey-patooty, haha. When she comes and grabs my glass after I'm finished drinking something, and just takes it to the sink all on her own, she gets a big thank you, and then we say something like, "Oh, thank you baby, that was very nice of you, you're so smart!" To me, it helps her to attribute coming up with the thought on her own, and being kind or helpful, with intelligence. Package deal, gotta love it. The key that  we have found to be super successful, is telling her she's smart, by telling her that what she did was smart. "Did you put those dishes in the sink all by yourself?? You're so smart". Then she knows what she did, how we perceived it, and that we perceived it in a positive way. The goal is that she'll receive tons of praise for doing things we see as intelligent, and so she'll spend more time trying to do those things. At three years old, grabbing dishes by herself is a pretty big accomplishment. As time goes on the things she will do will get more elaborate, and she'll get a better, more mature grasp on what we mean by "smart", and hopefully she'll spend more time focusing on being known for her achievements. Considering how proud I am of who she is as a THREE YEAR OLD, I can't wait to see who she becomes in the years to follow and I can't wait to see the things she accomplishes in her life. 

Ultimately, my direct advice to you: Love your kids, and tell them you do. Respect your kids, and show them you do. Listen to your kids, because when you give them the chance to do something good, they'll keep trying until they do it. Emphasize to your children the importance of being more than just a work of beauty, and that it is their achievements, ideals, and decisions that carry them through life.

Well then, I think that about does it for today, I hope you enjoyed this post, and I hope you were able to get something out of it. Until next time!

New Beginnings... Allow me to introduce... ME!

Well, with 2012 in what you could call "Full Swing", I think it's time to start living up to the resolutions I've put upon myself. 2011 was not the best year for us as a family, though we did have some very high points as well. With everything that happened, I had to take a long hard look at the negative things that happened to us, as well as the positive things that happened to us. The point of life is to learn, to evolve and to implement changes that will improve the quality of life for yourself, and for those around you, and hopefully, for the world around you. The changes all start with oneself though, no matter what.

And now for the relevant part of this post, haha. 2011 hit us pretty hard in a lot of ways. Heather was laid off from the job we both worked at, which took our income to half of what it was. We then, in turn, had to move from the house we really loved, into a smaller place. That whole series of events pretty much set into motion wave after wave of further difficulties. Long story short, it was not a good year. Hard times like that are often a crossroads for a lot of people, and so it was for us. I took a good look at the way I was living my life, and where my priorities were, and where they NEEDED to be. For years, I had been chasing what I can only describe as "immortality", by playing in bands, making music, and basically seeking renown from an entire subculture of people in hopes of making an impact on the world. Well, needless to say, "immortality" doesn't come cheap or easy, and certainly not without a price. Well, I kept paying the price to achieve it, without getting anything back for it. At this point is where I ultimately had a quite sudden, profound epiphany about where my energy was being spent. After witnessing two separate funerals, and seeing how each of the families responded to the loss of their loved ones, I realized what I had to do, and what I had to change.

Life is very short. Depressingly short. Most of us don't get the chance to impact the lives of very many people. But there are still those very FEW people that we do. My two crowning achievements in life have been marrying my wife, and having our daughter. That being said, at a bare minimum, there are two peoples' lives I'm being given the chance to touch. My wife is my partner, my best friend, my unconditional supporter, and the ONE person who has stuck by me through all my struggles. My daughter is an amazing little girl, who's growing up faster than I'd care to admit. It scares the crap out of me sometimes. There are so many influences that affect a child. The things I teach my daughter now, and the things I share with her, are going to be the things she teaches someone else, and shares with them. Do I want that to be hatred, or anger, or contempt, or wickedness? Absolutely not. I want her to be a woman of peace, who cares for those who need it, who respects herself and everyone else. And that is where new beginnings are born; when the need for change is found, and then implemented.

Therefore, this blog isn't going to be a tutorial, or a sermon, or a lecture. It's going to be more of a documentary of my personal journey. Just an account of my life, my perspectives, the things I learn from my experiences, and the lessons, values and morals I'll be teaching my daughter, and maybe some other people hopefully. I am not limiting this blog to any particular subject matter, it's all going to be based off my experiences, so that could include absolutely anything I come into contact with or see or hear. This first post is more of a detailed summary of the how's, why's and what's. I hope you enjoy the coming posts, and I hope you can learn a little from them, and be able to benefit from the things that have helped me make positive changes in my life. Be sure to "Check The Male" next time, for some (hopefully) enlightening male perspectives.